checking in.

I find it so interesting how I have encountered so many people with what I thought were similar goals & dreams to mine, and how they have completely & comfortably let go of them. Am I the crazy one?? I mean, of course not, but it might appear that way. There are so many people in LA who move out here saying they want to be actors and it's such a phony thing. I too am guilty of that. I don't think I really want to be an actor. There's nothing very fun about acting like other people. Sometimes playing a character is fun, but mainly because you are making people laugh. I didn't move to LA, or grow up for that matter, to pretend to be someone else through acting. I did it to look inward & expand outward on the person I really am. I think that's why I am so drawn to stand up comedy, because you are just YOU YOU YOU. and you're trying to make people laugh, which is the most fun thing ever. it's just like playing. being funny is like playing house. but 'acting' is so serious.

it's one of my philosophies in life that we are often times trying to chase our childhoods. i think that's part of all the LA movie star thing.

im grateful because since being in LA im really starting to enjoy other people, which is something i never got to really do in college. boy i hated college. what a yucky weird thing. as medeoker as it gets. in no way do i bash education, because i love reading and learning and working hard. i just feel like i love learning so much, that i dont need an institution to tell me what to learn and when to learn it. blahblahblah, its just a rainy day and i feel yucky because of the rain AND because i ate a little more cookie dough that i should have. and im waiting for tony to come home so we can enjoy each other.